Extinction Bursts

Unfortunately, when the behavior gets worse in response to something new we are trying. It is called an extinction burst. And you have to keep being consistent. Or you’ll just have a million of them.

Example: child used to screaming to get show on in car. You tell him he can ask nicely, but if he screams you aren’t turning it on. *screaming* you don’t do it. *screaming intensifies* FINE! Watch your show. Here he was testing that limit and succeeded. Stay strong. A few hard days and then it’ll be better.

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Set the Boundary, then Teach

If your "boundary talk" before a challenging activity isn't working, then not enough to just say, okay "when we go to the park you need to play nice."

- Try explaining what it looks like to play nice

- Ask what if questions to prompt their problem solving brain

- Practice it

- Go with them into the activity, model and guide

- Help them where they are at, even if the other kids their don't need the same kind of support.

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Sibling Rivalry

Unfortunately, the way we respond to sibling conflict…

…can create resentment with us or with their brother or sister

…can enable them to become tattle-tellers instead of problem solvers

…can create hype around possessions

…can affect our relationships with your kids

…can communicate "you're wrong" or "I don't trust you"

So I started from square one.

  • I listed all potential functions.

  • I listed tons of prevention strategies.

  • I thought carefully about the missing skills & how to teach them.

  • And then, lastly, I organized responses (including the amazing safe place)

And then, upon success in reframing the way I deal with sibling conflict... I created a course. It's something I strive to use EVERY day in parenting my children, but also in conflict with cousins or friends. Using the framework for behavior I love, and know, and research and rave about.

The courses (tantrums & siblings) are valued over $115, but I want to make it accessible to parents, so my price is $35.

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Teach in the GREEN ZONE

Usually, we have a challenging behavior happen... and that's the moment we use to have a stern talk, a lecture, an explanation or a push toward empathy. Nothing wrong with that, it's actually amazing we care enough to try and teach our children right from wrong.

BUT, if we rearrange the timing of our teaching, we may be able to get through these challenging behaviors with much more ease, less monologues... and with clear boundaries.

There are two reasons why this is NOT the most effective time to teach.

1. It can be reinforcing to give this much attention to challenging behavior

2. they are not in the emotional state to be receptive to any teaching

But mostly watch my video to understand, HOW (and when) to teach effectively, but still enforce your limits.

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Come Follow Me "Remodel"

As we are studying the New Testament as a family this year... we were struggling to "get to it" each week. I realized we were complicating it. Having to gather materials, bring them all downstairs... sit in a circle and make it work with dad's work schedule.

A simple "remodel" to the kitchen has made come follow me accessible, simple and integrated into our everyday life.

Our prophet promises, "The new home-centered, Church-supported integrated curriculum has the potential to unleash the power of families, as each family follows through conscientiously and carefully to transform their home into a sanctuary of faith. I promise that as you diligently work to remodel your home into a center of gospel learning, over time your Sabbath days will truly be a delight. Your children will be excited to learn and to live the Savior’s teachings, and the influence of the adversary in your life and in your home will decrease. Changes in your family will be dramatic and sustaining."

I can't think of anything better than light and peace and love through Christ while raising our innocent children in such an evil world.

As I reread the quote, I knew it was time to literally “remodel“ my home. And create a hub for our Come Follow Me studies.

DETAILS

Basket on the table holds

Bulletin Board

  • Weekly Readings for the Month

  • Temple Heading (to write next temple visit)

  • Service Heading (to write service focus)

  • Lesson Plan from https://www.loveprayteach.com/

  • Pictures of Lesson topic and Jesus printed or taken from Ensign

Clothespin String

  • Activities from past weeks hung up as reminders

Come Follow Me Reflection Board from www.ellieavenue.com

It was a simple, but very impactful transformation in my kitchen.

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Reframe Behavior

I presented this graphic at the beginning of the parenting challenge on my instagram

 

Do you notice anything change with your relationship, or with your child's behavior when you are more purposeful in your toys, play and time together?

Behavior is a fascinating topic to study.

We usually look at behavior to notice WHAT is happening.

Are they hitting? Talking back? Fighting with siblings? Tattle-telling? Whining? Refusing to play independently?

When really the WHAT is just the tip of the iceberg.

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