Posts tagged Social & Emotional Development
WHINING MAKES ME CRAZY.

Believe me, I’ve had my fair share of STOP WHINING!!!! moments. But I realize too that it’s a lose lose if I get to that point.

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For little annoying behaviors like whining. We don’t ignore them, give them what they want then come back to a green arrow moment later. We do the teaching right then.

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You can ask nicely. Say, “I want the dinosaur show please” *repeat* “ok now you do it” *does on own*

This is the only way whining will commence. There has to be consistent teaching of what they SHOULD do. Not just what they shouldn’t.

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The Mouse Timer

I don't have games on my phone. But I do have this ONE free app, that I use as a tool to teach prosocial behaviors.

Any other amazing apps out there that are parent hacks... drop em below!

Meet, the Mouse Timer. This app is a timer that shows several different time options. You click the time you need and then when the mouse eats the cheese the timer is up.

Charlie often has a hard time taking turns with his cousin. So, we pulled out the mouse timer. "When the mice eats the cheese, then it's Pipers turn" Then while Piper had her turn Charlie kept checking in to see how many more apples were left before the mouse got the cheese.

Another thing that would work would just be a digital timer that they can see moving or counting down. It's so hard for kids to conceptualize time, but if they can see ok... I can have a turn in 15 apples... I'm going to survive. It usually goes a lot smoother.

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Teach in the GREEN ZONE

Usually, we have a challenging behavior happen... and that's the moment we use to have a stern talk, a lecture, an explanation or a push toward empathy. Nothing wrong with that, it's actually amazing we care enough to try and teach our children right from wrong.

BUT, if we rearrange the timing of our teaching, we may be able to get through these challenging behaviors with much more ease, less monologues... and with clear boundaries.

There are two reasons why this is NOT the most effective time to teach.

1. It can be reinforcing to give this much attention to challenging behavior

2. they are not in the emotional state to be receptive to any teaching

But mostly watch my video to understand, HOW (and when) to teach effectively, but still enforce your limits.

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"hey self, this is NORMAL."

word-to-your-mother.

I have the safe place, I teach in the green arrow moments, I focus on social learning skills... and YET my sensitive child cries, he has meltdowns, he fights with his sibling. These strategies don't make it go away. They help us make these challenges opportunities to teach our kids and also get through them without losing our mind.

So check in with yourself during the next meltdown...

and just say, "hey self, this is NORMAL."

When these things are stopping optimal functioning to the point that you can't go about your daily responsibilities, then maybe intervention is needed to help the child learn new skills and eliminate the behavior. But still, that is NORMAL for about 20% of the population....

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Paralyze or Empower?

You had a bad day.

That sucks, How dare they, Such terrible luck

vs.

You had a bad day

What did you learn from it?

When you start saying things like 2019 isn't my year. This year is the worst... soon all the little bad things become paralyzing. I can't handle one more thing. instead, we can say, you know this was REALLY hard... and look at where I was to where I am now... that's empowering!

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How many adults do you know stuck in this victim mentality? Are they pleasant to be around? Let's help our kids learn to reframe their story in a way that empowers.

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I'm So Glad You're Mine

Sometimes we jive a little bit easier with certain stages of our kids' development. Or certain personalities within the family. This can create competition, sometimes resentment... and all of it because of an innocent match in temperament and interests. A quick cure for this... a handwritten note to each kid once a month. Let them know I'm so glad you are MINE. Not because of anything you say or do. Not because of your grades. Not because of your interests or successes. But because you are you. And you are mine.

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"It's okay to cry"

Crying stimulates endorphins, our feel-good hormone. And also, bottled up emotions turn into tantrums.

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A few tears here and there all day long... or a VOLCANIC eruption at the dinner table. Your choice.

A lot of times it's our go-to reaction to say,

don't cry, you don't need to cry, you're fine, stop crying...

instead, try, it's okay to cry. Let it all out. You can take a break and cry when you're ready you can come back and join us.

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