Usually, we have a challenging behavior happen... and that's the moment we use to have a stern talk, a lecture, an explanation or a push toward empathy. Nothing wrong with that, it's actually amazing we care enough to try and teach our children right from wrong.
BUT, if we rearrange the timing of our teaching, we may be able to get through these challenging behaviors with much more ease, less monologues... and with clear boundaries.
There are two reasons why this is NOT the most effective time to teach.
1. It can be reinforcing to give this much attention to challenging behavior
2. they are not in the emotional state to be receptive to any teaching
But mostly watch my video to understand, HOW (and when) to teach effectively, but still enforce your limits.Read More
I have the safe place, I teach in the green arrow moments, I focus on social learning skills... and YET my sensitive child cries, he has meltdowns, he fights with his sibling. These strategies don't make it go away. They help us make these challenges opportunities to teach our kids and also get through them without losing our mind.
So check in with yourself during the next meltdown...
and just say, "hey self, this is NORMAL."
When these things are stopping optimal functioning to the point that you can't go about your daily responsibilities, then maybe intervention is needed to help the child learn new skills and eliminate the behavior. But still, that is NORMAL for about 20% of the population....Read More
You had a bad day.
That sucks, How dare they, Such terrible luck
You had a bad day
What did you learn from it?
When you start saying things like 2019 isn't my year. This year is the worst... soon all the little bad things become paralyzing. I can't handle one more thing. instead, we can say, you know this was REALLY hard... and look at where I was to where I am now... that's empowering!
How many adults do you know stuck in this victim mentality? Are they pleasant to be around? Let's help our kids learn to reframe their story in a way that empowers.Read More
Sometimes we jive a little bit easier with certain stages of our kids' development. Or certain personalities within the family. This can create competition, sometimes resentment... and all of it because of an innocent match in temperament and interests. A quick cure for this... a handwritten note to each kid once a month. Let them know I'm so glad you are MINE. Not because of anything you say or do. Not because of your grades. Not because of your interests or successes. But because you are you. And you are mine.Read More
Which means, conflict is normal, crying is normal, all the feels can be felt...
With this mantra and instead of trying to avoid them or feeling like you're FAILING because conflict and crying is happening... we WELCOME them. We work through them. We problem solve together.Read More
Crying stimulates endorphins, our feel-good hormone. And also, bottled up emotions turn into tantrums.
A few tears here and there all day long... or a VOLCANIC eruption at the dinner table. Your choice.
A lot of times it's our go-to reaction to say,
don't cry, you don't need to cry, you're fine, stop crying...
instead, try, it's okay to cry. Let it all out. You can take a break and cry when you're ready you can come back and join us.Read More