Posts tagged spirited child
Being a mother is a thankless job, BUT...

Being a mother is a thankless job.

Which can sometimes cause burn out, feeling inadequate and like you need 6 of you cuz you can’t possibly be stretched any further.

♥︎

But you are enough.

You are actually the most important human in the world to your kids.

If they whine/cry to you it’s because they feel safe expressing their emotions with you.

If they come to you with tattle tale after tattle tale, it’s because they trust you to fix their problems.

If they end up in your room night after night, it’s because they want to be close to you.

If they are jealous of their siblings, it’s because they want all of your love.

♥︎ Even though this is a thankless job,

Your kids are thanking you every time they trust you as the one to cry to, every time they trust you as the one they snuggle in their bed, everything they call you to tell you about something so insignificant.

They know YOU will always listen.

They know YOU always know what to do.

They know YOU love them no matter what.

This day was created so we could all say thank you.

And even though it can be hard if you lost your mom, have infertility, don’t want to become a mother... there’s always a mother somewhere to celebrate.

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Are you regular?

When it comes to eating and sleeping, I'd say I'm right in the middle of the line from regular to not regular. Charlie too. And I'm thinking Maelie fits right in there as well too. How about you?

Research tells us we all have different temperaments when it comes to "regularity." Some kids can be hungry on a set clock. Be ready for bed on a set clock. Poop every day at the same time. Other kids are less regular, and some are not regular at all. If you are more regular, and you have a kid on the other end of the spectrum of regularity, that is a mismatch. Seeing eating schedule from a temperament point of view might make more sense for how to adapt your expectations (based on your personal temperament) to fit your child's needs (based on their temperament). It's not our job to change temperament, but to give them support and/or adapt the environment when we can to help them thrive.

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Teach in the GREEN ZONE

Usually, we have a challenging behavior happen... and that's the moment we use to have a stern talk, a lecture, an explanation or a push toward empathy. Nothing wrong with that, it's actually amazing we care enough to try and teach our children right from wrong.

BUT, if we rearrange the timing of our teaching, we may be able to get through these challenging behaviors with much more ease, less monologues... and with clear boundaries.

There are two reasons why this is NOT the most effective time to teach.

1. It can be reinforcing to give this much attention to challenging behavior

2. they are not in the emotional state to be receptive to any teaching

But mostly watch my video to understand, HOW (and when) to teach effectively, but still enforce your limits.

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"hey self, this is NORMAL."

word-to-your-mother.

I have the safe place, I teach in the green arrow moments, I focus on social learning skills... and YET my sensitive child cries, he has meltdowns, he fights with his sibling. These strategies don't make it go away. They help us make these challenges opportunities to teach our kids and also get through them without losing our mind.

So check in with yourself during the next meltdown...

and just say, "hey self, this is NORMAL."

When these things are stopping optimal functioning to the point that you can't go about your daily responsibilities, then maybe intervention is needed to help the child learn new skills and eliminate the behavior. But still, that is NORMAL for about 20% of the population....

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Labels. Matter.

My kid is CRAZY and STUBBORN will you watch him for the day? How does this make you feel... NOPE, run.

vs.

My kid is DECISIVE and has some serious LEADERSHIP potential, can you watch him for today? Yeah, I could do that.

Let's play a game, take out a paper and write down all the negative labels you might use for your "spirited" child. And then write a way to reframe a label positively next to it. I'll get us started.

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"It's okay to cry"

Crying stimulates endorphins, our feel-good hormone. And also, bottled up emotions turn into tantrums.

.

A few tears here and there all day long... or a VOLCANIC eruption at the dinner table. Your choice.

A lot of times it's our go-to reaction to say,

don't cry, you don't need to cry, you're fine, stop crying...

instead, try, it's okay to cry. Let it all out. You can take a break and cry when you're ready you can come back and join us.

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